Having a Moment

January 23, 2015 Today has been one of those days. Feeling a little down and wondering what is to come. Maybe I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, maybe it’s me. Maybe it’s knowing on the inside that my better half is not giving me the support I hope for. Lost in midst of confusion, not sure on what path to go. My heart says continue, my mind says you got it but my pockets say I’m crazy. I have so many great ideas and so many wonderful abilities, I know what I’m capable of, and I just wish he thought the same. Wish I could be as lucky as those people who hit the lottery or that person who won 100,000 from a scratch off. Yeah, that would be perfect for me right about now, the answer to all my worries, the helper to all my needs and maybe even a little boost to get a certain someone off my back. Sitting here sipping on my coffee, thinking rationally for a change on the direction I should pursue but every time I do it all draws back to the same picture I already had in mind. Get it together sister girl, is what I keep saying to myself, if only it were that simple.



Well no sense in dwelling especially when time is of the essence and everybody knows I have absolutely no time to waste. Days like this all I can muster up the courage to do is what I’ve always done and that’s shake it off. All the negativity just shake it off and move forward. Looking backward will get me nowhere, I also follow these simple steps daily, as a refresher, as my pick me upper. Step 1: Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Step 2: Stop thinking if only for a second. Step 3: Remember your greatness. Step 4: Pray and listen for God’s voice for guidance. Whenever, I do those four steps I’m taken back into that great place within and I’m then able to move forward. Sometimes I'm just impatient but I know in due time, all will work out accordingly to my good.

Say it ain't so

January 22, 2015 Just found out some bad news in reference to a family member. Bad news seems to be the center of my universe right now. I won't let it get me down though I've come too far in changing my way of thinking to convert back to what was, no way, no how, I'm good. Skin clearing up, and looking prettier than ever. Goes to show that when you drop the load of stress you hold, how it seemingly changes everything. Reality has set in, a little too quickly for my liking but that's life for you. In all you do you are taught some kind of lesson and rather you take from it, is primarily up to you. Face the facts is what I often tell myself, since it seems as though I do too much fantasizing and day dreaming. Guess I'm still one who believes in only seeing the good and overlooking the bad. Silly me huh? Well that's me I'm an optimistic kind of gal and proud of it. I smile because I can and laugh because want to. Sometimes it's best you laugh to keep from crying. Besides no one can judge me but God right? True enough people can voice their opinion but their opinions doesn't matter in eyes. At this point in my life their opinions doesn't even fit into my program, why should it? You only get one life and you can either live it peacefully and happily or miserably and scared. Scared of making your own choices, scared of speaking up, scared of seeking your purpose, scared of being you and more importantly, in fact it's at the top of my list scared of living in regret. Yep...that's my biggest fear and one I'm choosing not to have. The only voice I hear now is the man above and that's God. Whatever path he says I should follow I will. He is leading my way and with him by my side I'm sure to be just fine. Life is hard trust me I know but it's beautiful too, especially when you decide to live for you and through God's way. I know my purpose and that is a feeling that is beyond great.



No One Understands

January 21, 2015 No one said the choices you make in life needed anyone permission but your own. No one told me that I had to chose to be unhappy. No one told me it was my own personal right to step out on faith. No one, absolutely no one, even asked what it was that I wanted or even told me that they would be willing to ride with me in any decision I made. I know I wasn’t the only one stuck in a career they didn’t like. I know I wasn’t the only one living the American dream. I can’t complain, I know I’m bless. Every time I hear the many horrific stories of families losing their homes, someone becoming ill or just living a tuff life in general. I know I’m bless and I feel selfish when I think about the fact of me wanting more in my life. I know I’m bless but it still hurts being deprive of that one true calling. I know I’m bless but does internal joy and being bless go hand in hand. Now I’m contradicting myself and second guessing the decision I made, even though I know I did at the time what I felt was best for me. I’ve always summed together on a list all the things that would make one happy.

• God
• Love
• Family
• Friends
• A Great Career
• Peace Within

I have most of the things listed except two “A Great Career and Peace Within.” How does one accomplish the goal of having a great career when the one they constantly work their butts off for is not the career they want but more so just another source of providing and helping with the financial needs of the family. I know stability is important and I know responsibility is just as important and in today’s society one must always be responsible. What happen to having faith and so much belief in one’s self that you push forth with your goal and just say forget working for somebody else when you could be focusing on the ultimate goal. Well good bye to my current career and hello to my future. Man I’m scared of what lies ahead but my faith is strong and my passion is even stronger.

Searching

January 20, 2015 Alone in my room, thinking and wondering. Many days are a struggle for me. Often I find myself asking what my purpose is in this life. Some days I’m satisfied and other days I’m not. Internal joy is what I seek, inner peace is what I yearn. I have for my age everything a young lady such as myself should need and want. I have a house, a nice car, an amazing husband and two beautiful stepchildren but something is missing. Apart of me knows what that something is but fails to truly seek it. Apart of me is afraid of failure. Apart of me is afraid of change and the responsibilities that change could entail. What do I do? Where do I go from here? How can I figure me out when it’s no longer just about me.

Lost, confused, scared, worried, tired, fearful, stress are all the words that come to mind when I think about what I want in life and where I hope to be. Happy, excited, joyful, inspired, free are the words that come to mind when I think about that something I’m missing. Is it too late? Should I give up on that something and just throw in the towel? Is there ever a right time to make a life altering decision? Is it possible to have the one thing you love and it be your only focus? Even if it meant lack of financial security. My mind is drifting, my thoughts are scattered and my heart is yearning. I feel stuck with no way out and I’m too far gone to look back now. I need to be happy with what I do. I cannot and will not no longer settle for allowing my dreams to be deferred. My heart depends on it and my soul needs to be free. Can I breath?



　
Heart wants what the hearts wants….

Favorite Passage from "Writing for Self-Revelation"

My favorite passage in the article for "Writing for Self -Revelation" is the passage about private writing. The passage speaks about how "writing should be taught orally since we talked ninety percent of the time." I personally agree with that statement. If we are not on the phone speaking verbally, then most of time we are speaking directly to someone. This is true even in the business world. For example, when we go into an interview we must sell ourselves verbally to the person in which we want to hire us. Everything in the world revolves around speaking. Yes we can text and write via social media but words can get misconstrued and misinterpreted so communicating verbally is always best.


The passage also states private writing “should not be inhibited by technical corrections, that it should be natural and sincere.” I mean really, what other way is there to write, other than writing from the heart. Anytime you begin to write based on how someone tells you to write you find yourself doing one or more of the following.

• Babbling
• Repeating Yourself
• Getting off the subject
• Having a lost for words
• Getting bored

When any of those things begin to happen you lose sight of self and your voice becomes lost as a writer. The words no longer just flow freely but now you find yourself trying to figure out what you were writing about to begin with. Luella Cook also stated, “We live and learn by unconscious absorption and assimilation” therefore I take that as we learn we least expect to. When you think of that statement think back to a time where in which a friend was talking to you about something, then think about the numerous of times you were in class and couldn’t recall nothing that the professor discussed but I bet you remembered everything your friend had said without a second thought. The same goes for learning rather the subject be writing, reading, or whatever we learn best when things are communicated to us. With that being said, what are your thoughts in reference to the subject matter. Was the writer precise when he stated that writing should be taught orally? What do you feel and why?

Let the Mind Be Free!

Goody Two Shoes has some very good points when it comes to writing. Often times we find ourselves making all that we do apart of a daily routine, to the point where it becomes boring. What happen to having fun? What happen to being stress free and under NO pressure instead of pressure, get it? I love how she states in the article "don't be dutiful write from the heart." Best advice ever. If you treat something like a job eventually you will get sick of it. Which is also true in regards to dieting, whenever "You Know" you can't have something, that is when you crave it the most and that is the same for writing. When there are no rules to how you write the material comes freely. "You can't improve when following the rules."(Goody Two Shoes)




I also like how the article advises you to do something different and take time away. Another good point because if you are working on a book or a long paper, after so long of sitting at a computer you get impatient. You have to clear the mind in order for new inviting thoughts to take over which could enhance your writing. Goody Two Shoes was right on the money, definitely a good read!