Tuesday, January 20, 2015


January 20, 2015 Alone in my room, thinking and wondering. Many days are a struggle for me. Often I find myself asking what my purpose is in this life. Some days I’m satisfied and other days I’m not. Internal joy is what I seek, inner peace is what I yearn. I have for my age everything a young lady such as myself should need and want. I have a house, a nice car, an amazing husband and two beautiful stepchildren but something is missing. Apart of me knows what that something is but fails to truly seek it. Apart of me is afraid of failure. Apart of me is afraid of change and the responsibilities that change could entail. What do I do? Where do I go from here? How can I figure me out when it’s no longer just about me.

Lost, confused, scared, worried, tired, fearful, stress are all the words that come to mind when I think about what I want in life and where I hope to be. Happy, excited, joyful, inspired, free are the words that come to mind when I think about that something I’m missing. Is it too late? Should I give up on that something and just throw in the towel? Is there ever a right time to make a life altering decision? Is it possible to have the one thing you love and it be your only focus? Even if it meant lack of financial security. My mind is drifting, my thoughts are scattered and my heart is yearning. I feel stuck with no way out and I’m too far gone to look back now. I need to be happy with what I do. I cannot and will not no longer settle for allowing my dreams to be deferred. My heart depends on it and my soul needs to be free. Can I breath?

Heart wants what the hearts wants….

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